


Dirty Little Words

by Lyra_Kero



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Funny, Implied Sexual Content, It makes sense trust me, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_Kero/pseuds/Lyra_Kero
Summary: “Whoa whoa, hold the fuck up,” the black haired boy’s voice sounded strained. “You’re out of your fucking mind!”“What?” Lance asked. “Dude it’s fine. Just relax.”“Relax nothing, Lance it won’t fit!”----Pidge is on her way downstairs when she hears some things that she... really wishes she didn't hear.





	Dirty Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> The things I come up with right before I'm about to fall asleep...
> 
>  
> 
> Edit; Now with a [Russian Translation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913636%20%0A)

“You good?”  
“Yeah, just… give me a bit.”

Pidge slowed her steps as she got close to the living room. Her, Lance, Hunk, Keith and Shiro (and by that extension her brother Matt) all shared the spacious home together. And right now it sounded like Lance and Keith were already awake. She had planned on making a loud entrance but her steps stopped completely when she heard Keith speak up next.

“Whoa whoa, hold the fuck up,” the black haired boy’s voice sounded strained. “You’re out of your fucking mind!”  
“What?” Lance asked. “Dude it’s fine. Just relax.”  
“Relax nothing, _Lance it won’t fit_!” Pidge blinked, wondering if she was still asleep. She had to be. “It’s too big!” This was a horrible nightmare.  
“It’s fine! Trust me!” Lance’s voice sounded smooth and easy. Keith was grumbling and Lance sighed. “I promise it’s going to be okay. Now are you ready?”

 

There was a long pause, before Keith spoke up, sounding unsure. “Fine.” Then the worst sound in the world.  
A grunt. Two grunts. Keith was cursing and Lance was groaning. “Y-you good?”  
“I’m fine…” Keith seemed to be having a hard time talking. And Pidge covered her face, trying to will herself to wake up.

 

“Pidge?” Hunk’s voice made her jump and she spun around, face red. “You okay? Are you getting sick?”

“I’m going to start moving okay?” Lance said, sounding out of breath.  
“J-just.. Just go slow, okay?” came Keith’s response.

 

Hunk’s face paled as he stared at the living room’ entrance.  
“This isn’t a dream.” Pidge whispered, her eyes wide with horror.  
“T-they might not be…” Hunk said softly. “I mean, they can’t. _In the living room_?”

 

Right. Hunk was right! The two idiots wouldn’t _dare_ try bumping uglies in the living room of all places! “Then again, we did find them making out in the kitchen that one time…”  
“And the time were I’m pretty sure Keith was trying to blow Lance in the bathroom during Allura’s party when they both got drunk...”  
Okay. So the two idiots _would_ dare try it.

 

“ _Ow_! Fuck!” Keith’s voice came out in a hiss. “Watch it!”  
“Sorry! You okay?”  
“You’re going too fast! Slow the fuck down!”

 

“Oh god, I’m burning every bit of furniture in the living room.” the short girl breathed out.  
“Do… should we … you know, stop them?” Hunk asked, worriedly. Pidge raised her eyes, looking up to him.  
“I’m not going in there,”  
“Well I’m not going in there.”

 

“Lance! L-Lance stop! You’re… I _do not bend that way_! Oww!”  
“Sorry! Again. Um. Okay, okay. Move your… uh, left! Left leg.”  
“I can’t _move my leg_ , Lance. Just.. back up a bit!”  
“Fine, fine, okay. Hold on.”  
“Hurry up, I’m starting to cramp!”

 

“What the fuck kind of Kama Sutra shit are they doing in there?” Pidge breathed, watching her large friend cover his ears and close his eyes.  
“I don’t want to know, man. I really, _really_ don’t want to know.”  
“Should we get Shiro?” she looked back up to her friend, “I mean, maybe he can stop them?”  
“Maybe?”

“Shiro can stop what?” The two jumped, covering their mouths to keep from being heard by the two in the living room (wait. Why were they worried about them hearing?) and spun around, coming face to face with a very frazzled looking Shiro. “Why are you two whispering?”  
Pidge chewed her bottom lip, trying to piece together the most eloquent way of saying _the guy you think of as your brother is currently being railed by Lance in our living room can you make them stop_. Thankfully, Hunk was already spewing out things in a very blunt manner.  
“Lance and Keith are doing the do in the living room.”

 

Shiro stared at him, blinking slowly. “I’m sorry. What?” he said. At that moment, the two in the living room began to get louder again.  
“Fucking… shit, Lance I can’t…”  
“Just a bit more. C’mon.”  
“No, j-just stop, I’m gonna--”  
“I’m right there, just a little bit…”

 

 

The three were now frozen, and in a blink Shiro was surging forward. Pidge could see the brotherly instincts kicking in as he pushed past both her and Hunk, eyes livid.  
“I think Lance is going to die.” Pidge whispered as she and Hunk followed him. “Dibs on his video games.”

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Shiro snapped before he rounded the corner. There were two startled gasps and the other two came around just in time to see their front door wide open, Keith outside holding one end of their old, ratty couch, and Lance inside holding the other. The two were fumbling trying to turn it to get it out of the door while not losing their grips. It didn’t help that Shiro had startled them and Keith’s end dipped down low, Pidge watching as his knees buckled as he tried to not let it fall.

It fell anyway and he groaned out. “Fuck!”  
“You okay, babe?” Lance looked over, carefully setting his end of the couch down.  
“Yeah.” the black haired boy looked around the couch, eyes narrowed to Shiro. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing shouting at people this early in the morning?” he snapped.

 

“What are you doing to our couch?” Hunk asked.  
“We bought a new one.” Lance said, leaning against their old couch. “We wanted to surprise you guys so we were gonna go ahead and swap them out. But it… kind of didn’t work out that way.”  
“Because this stupid thing is too big for the doorframe.” Keith kicked at his end of the couch. “I told you I should have just borrowed our neighbor’s chainsaw and cut this thing up into firewood.”

“Babe, no.” the taller boy looked over to him, pointing a finger at him. “For one, pretty sure that guy is like some evil alien overlord and will probably try and like make you trade your soul or something for it. And two, you are not using a chainsaw inside this house!”

 

The other three stared as Keith and Lance bickered over how Keith would _be careful_ and _would only cut the couch_. Lance countered with _you’ll get couch everywhere and we are civilized people Keith! We put our unwanted furniture out on the curb_!  
“How about,” Shiro said, taking a deep breath, “we help you carry the couch out, bring the new one back in and then just relax with something to eat?”

“Yeah. I feel like I just had about ten years taken off my life.” Hunk muttered, already moving to help with the couch.

 

Lance and Keith looked over to each other, shrugging before the group as a whole (Pidge helped by shouting encouraging words like “You can do it!” and “Kick it in the dishpan, hoo hoo hoo!”) managed to trade out the couches. Lance had left to go take a shower, Keith following muttering about how he was going to just lay down and to come get him when breakfast was done.

 

Sitting around the table, Hunk was busy mixing pancake batter and Pidge finally spoke up.  
“So, do you guys think Keith would actually bottom?”

“ _What_?” they all turned their heads as Matt walked into the kitchen, blinking in confusion. “What the hell did I miss?”


End file.
